


So what's the deal with kissing?

by sunshineandeyebrows



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A HETERO, And By That I Mean, Basically, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Drinking, Existential Crisis, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay crisis, Kinda, M/M, Mutual Pining, THOSE BABIES NEED HIM, Teenage Drama, Temper Tantrums, and marK ISNT GRADUATING BECAUSE IM IN DENIAL OKAY, but he's a good leader, donghyuck is also a little shit, donghyuck is curious, i guess, it's the most innocent thing i've ever written, mark is an oblivious dumb dumb, petty fights, please don't ask about my motives, serious conversations about kissing, this whole thing happens before we go up, yes i made John a hetero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 12:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17366051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineandeyebrows/pseuds/sunshineandeyebrows
Summary: "If you have a problem, you should solve it like men," Johnny sighs."I can't hit him, Taeyong would give me a two year long lecture," Donghyuck protests.Johnny stares at him with raised eyebrows for such a long moment, it gets unnerving and Donghyuck fidgets."I'm saying you should talk it out, dumbass," Johnny says finally, a bit patronizing and a lot exasperated. "Just you try hitting him and it's gonna be worse than Taeyong's lecture."Donghyuck gasps dramatically."There is something worse?!"Johnny cracks a smile and ruffles his hair with too much force."Be nice, he's your best friend. It's not cool to behave like a little kid," he says, leaving Donghyuck alone in the hall.Or: Mark's life is sad. Ten just wants everyone to be happy and to get laid, if possible. Taeyong tries to do damage control. Donghyuck is a nuisance, but a very curious nuisance. So, what's really the whole deal with kissing?





	So what's the deal with kissing?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [everyonethinksi_mperv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyonethinksi_mperv/gifts).



> for my bro, because she loves haechan like you wouldn't believe, so why not

"Go and do something about yourself, I have to leave in five minutes and you're distracting me," Taeyong says, throwing seemingly random things into a bag.

"What should I do about myself, hyung?" Donghyuck asks, hanging upside down from Johnny's bed.

"Mark's home, play with him," Taeyong suggests offhandedly, checking his phone.

He's supposed to leave for a fansign with Ten and the manager should pick him up shortly. Donghyuck's bored. The dorm is empty except for Taeil, who's sleeping. Donghyuck decided not to interrupt him, because he's done that once and immediately regretted it. Taeil has a sore throat and waking him up just feels bad. The rest is either at practice or doing their own things that Donghyuck doesn't know about. He got back from his own vocal practice half an hour ago and he has nothing to do. Playing with Mark doesn't sound bad, actually, Donghyuck just wanted to see what Taeyong was up to, since Mark is usually up to the same thing, except those times he messes around with Yukhei. He's pretty much always the same when he has time to himself, relaxing in his own way and being boring. That's why teasing him is so fun, he's hilarious when riled up.

"Just be nice to him," Taeyong warns, as if he can read Donghyuck's mind.

"Don't let Ten-hyung do whatever he wants with you," Donghyuck shoots back, sitting up.

Taeyong narrows his eyes at him.

"I already have you walking all over me, this is gonna be a nice break."

He's not serious and Donghyuck knows it, so he just grins.

"Sure, hyung, whatever you say," he drawls.

Taeyong sighs like he's really tired and then the manager calls him.

"Don't stay up late!" he throws over his shoulder as a goodbye. "Mark, too!"

"Yeah, yeah," Donghyuck yells after him, smiling sweetly when Taeyong raises an eyebrow.

The dorm is quiet when he leaves and Donghyuck sits on Johnny's bed for another minute or two, too lazy to get up right away.

Mark is playing a game, big headphones covering his ears, so of course Donghyuck has to bother him, because he wouldn't be himself otherwise.

"Go away," Mark whines, pushing at his shoulders and then face when the first method doesn't prove to be effective.

Donghyuck sways them to the side, giggling, as he clings to Mark's back and tries to leave an obnoxious kiss on his cheek. Mark takes off the headphones, but doesn't pause the game.

"Can't you go bother the other guys?" he asks, annoyed.

"You're the best to bother," Donghyuck informs him. "And besides, Taeil-hyung is the only one home, I don't wanna wake him up."

"Then go to Dream, Nana doesn't mind," Mark grimaces, almost poking Donghyuck's eye in the process of trying to get him away from himself.

"That's why it's not fun," Donghyuck explains, finally reaching Mark's cheek, as Mark squirms from Donghyuck digging fingers into his sides.

"Dude!" Mark protests, not because of being kissed, but because he just died in the game.

Donghyuck grins and kisses him again now that he has an opening. Mark grimaces and turns towards him, probably to yell at him to stop, but the timing is wrong and Donghyuck's lips end up right on Mark's own. They both freeze, eyes wide, for a second that feels like a few years.

Mark backs up suddenly, abrupt, his face flushed furiously, the chair hitting the wall with a loud bang.

Donghyuck stays in place, fascinated by the reaction, staring at Mark in wonder.

"D-Dude!" Mark stutters finally, his voice ridiculously high, as he covers his mouth.

"What?" Donghyuck asks, his lips stretching into a small grin involuntarily.

Mark frowns, his eyes still impossibly big.

"What the hell," he asks finally in English, flustered, voice cracking slightly. "That- that was- what the hell, man!"

Donghyuck doesn't think much of what just happened, other than the fact Mark's reaction is the best. His lips were dry and a little chapped.

Mark looks at him like he expects something, maybe an apology, but he just seems more panicked when Donghyuck doesn't offer it, and leaves the room quickly, still beet red.  
Donghyuck stares after him, a bit puzzled, but a lot more curious. He's never caused such a reaction before. It's always been whining and weak protests, and then finally giving in.  
Donghyuck doesn't know where Mark went, but finding him now probably isn't the best idea. No matter how interesting it could be, Donghyuck's not a total dick, he can respect boundaries. Sometimes.

He wouldn't mind seeing that face again, though.

***

They're busy, but not busy enough for Mark to avoid Donghyuck like he's clearly doing right now. Okay, so Donghyuck might have done something weird, but it's not like he'd never done anything weird before that, and they were always mostly fine. Well, maybe except for that time Mark had been going through his crazy phase. Taeyong said everyone deals with puberty in a different way, though, so Donghyuck doesn't hold any grudges.

But now Mark should be getting a hold of himself. He's a leader, after all. He's not supposed to avoid Donghyuck like he's twelve and petty.

That's why, Donghyuck can't help but be an absolute nuisance. He doesn't try to hold himself back from throwing mean comments, even when Taeil gives him warning glances laced with concern. Mark pretends not to hear anything Donghyuck says, but it comes to the point that Johnny pulls Donghyuck out of the room to ask what the hell is going on. Donghyuck shrugs and doesn't admit he's just being petty right back, if that's what Mark wants.

"If you have a problem, you should solve it like men," Johnny sighs.

"I can't hit him, Taeyong would give me a two year long lecture," Donghyuck protests.

Johnny stares at him with raised eyebrows for such a long while, it gets unnerving and Donghyuck fidgets.

"I'm saying you should talk it out, dumbass," Johnny says finally, a bit patronizing and a lot exasperated. "Just you try hitting him and it's gonna be worse than Taeyong's lecture."

Donghyuck gasps dramatically.

"There is something worse?!"

Johnny cracks a smile and ruffles his hair with too much force.

"Be nice, he's your best friend. It's not cool to behave like a little kid," he says, leaving Donghyuck alone in the hall.

Maybe it's not cool, but Donghyuck guesses he doesn't really need to be all that cool. He'll live with being not cool, as long as it means he can bark at Mark or ignore his instructions whenever he wants.

It doesn't apparently mean that Taeyong can take it, though.

Even Jeno has stopped paying them any mind now, rolling his eyes at them by the time Taeyong finally snaps. Donghyuck should have known it's about time. Jeno never rolls his eyes unless the situation is dire.

"What's going on? Are you fighting?" Taeyong asks, trying to pin them both to the couch with a strong gaze.

"No," Donghyuck says, at the exact same time as Mark says, "Yes!"

Donghyuck turns to look at him, scandalized.

"We're not fighting!"

"You pissed me off and we're not really talking to each other, of course we're fighting!" Mark protests.

"Are you actually fighting about whether you're fighting or not?" Taeyong sighs like he doesn't have the strength for this, but they all know nagging at them is like crack to him.

Donghyuck and Mark both ignore him in favor of glaring at each other.

"You didn't look pissed at all then!" Donghyuck exclaims.

As if on cue, Mark's face gets completely red, his round eyebrows furrowing.

"But I was! You have no idea how I'd feel!" he yells back.

"Kids," Taeyong starts.

"Well, you didn't say anything about being pissed, you just ran away!" Donghyuck shouts.

"I didn't run away, I just didn't wanna see your face anymore!" Mark retorts immediately. "And I had to anyway because of work!"

"Kids!" Taeyong thunders and they both turn to him begrudgingly. "This is clearly a fight and we're not leaving this room until you talk about it."

Donghyuck groans and notices Mark does the same. Taeyong stares at them with a raised eyebrow. Minutes tick by slowly.

"Okay," Taeyong says finally. "What did you do this time, Donghyuck?"

Donghyuck bristles.

"Why is it always my fault?!"

He feels wronged. What happened isn't just on him, Mark was obviously a lot at that time, but he definitely wasn't pissed.

"Because you're always harassing Mark and you know very well he's sensitive," Taeyong reasons and it's not fair.

Donghyuck looks down at the floor, feeling betrayed.

"Why do you always take my side, hyung, he's gonna be even worse now!" Mark protests.

Donghyuck flinches and tries very hard to pretend he didn't. Mark must have been seriously embarrassed, if he's saying such things. He has never said something like this so openly. All he ever does is whine to leave him alone, but he doesn't seem to mind Donghyuck's teasing as much as he lets on.

"I'm not taking your side," Taeyong says patiently. "I'm trying to find out what happened and Donghyuck is usually the one to start anything."

"So what!" Donghyuck bursts out suddenly. "The fact that I start things doesn't mean it's all my fault!"

"I know that," Taeyong says, looking at him calmly, which just irritates him even more. "And I know you just want to have fun. I also know that you," he turns to Mark. "Tend to overreact. So tell me what's going on and I'll let you go."

Mark huffs. Donghyuck crosses his arms on his chest, but he's a little placated. Taeyong doesn't mean bad, he just doesn't want any conflict in the group. The way he says things is sometimes too accusatory, though, and it's usually Donghyuck who's on the receiving end of it.

"Well?" Taeyong prompts.

Donghyuck glances at Mark, but Mark is staring at the wall, his face still a bit flushed. Donghyuck decides he wants to leave.

"I kissed him," he admits.

Taeyong blinks a few times. Mark whips around to look at him with a small yelp.

"So? You kiss him all the time," Taeyong points out.

"Yeah," Donghyuck nods. "But not like that."

Taeyong frowns for a second and then his eyebrows almost reach his hairline.

"And he definitely didn't look pissed then," Donghyuck hisses, glaring at Mark, who is now moving his mouth like a fish pulled out of water, beet red.

"Okay, let me get this straight," Taeyong starts.

"It doesn't look like there was anything straight about it."

They all look to the door.

"Hyung!" Donghyuck and Mark exclaim with varying levels of indignation.

"Not now, Ten-ah," Taeyong sighs in frustration.

"Come on, you clearly need my expertise here," Ten dismisses happily and sits himself between Donghyuck and Mark on the couch.

Donghyuck stares at him incredulously. Ten usually just rolls his eyes at him and leaves. This is new.

"Okay," Ten starts, quickly interjecting whatever Taeyong opened his mouth to say. "Donghyuckie, you're annoying, but I love you, so there is one thing I should tell you as a hyung who knows what's going on."

"Ten," Taeyong cuts in, a bit strangled, like he's already uneasy about where this is going.

"You like kissing people and you think it's fun," Ten ignores him completely, taking Donghyuck's hand to swing it slightly. "But here is the thing, not everyone wants to be casually kissed. There are a lot of different kisses and everyone treats them in a different way. You have to respect that."

Donghyuck frowns slightly in thought. He didn't think so far, actually. He just likes affection and also annoying Mark. He remembers the lecture about boundaries Taeyong gave him once, but he mostly ignored it then. He looks over at Mark curiously. Mark looks very uncomfortable, biting his lip and staring at his socks. They're mismatched.

"Mark," Ten says next, Taeyong watching him warily but not interfering for now. Mark jerks, his eyes widening. The flush easily spreads to his ears. "Just tell him what it means to you. I know you're both like, twelve-"

"Twenty!"

"Nineteen!"

"-but you're evolved enough to be able to talk to each other without being whiny little kids," Ten continues, as if he didn't hear them at all. "You were embarrassed, right?"

Mark nods slightly, still not looking up.

"How long has it been?"

"A week," Donghyuck says, still watching Mark with interest.

"Long enough to get a grip and stop being little bitches, then," Ten decides.

"Ten!" Taeyong looks like this is exactly what he was worried about as soon as Ten showed up.

"You're right, hyung," Donghyuck says contemplatively. "I don't want to be a little bitch."

Ten shrugs and winks at Taeyong. Taeyong sags on his chair like all energy left him.

"You're a big bitch already," Mark comments, finally talking directly to Donghyuck.

"Yah!" Donghyuck shouts and the next two minutes are spent on pulling him away from Mark as he's trying to strangle him.

"Enough!" Taeyong yells, his hold too strong to break free from.

Donghyuck huffs, glaring at Mark. Mark glares right back, struggling in Ten's grip.

"If you can't talk like adults, I'm not going to treat you like ones!" Taeyong declares. "Go to Mark's room! Right now!"

"Both of us-"

"Both of you!" Taeyong hisses. "Go!"

Donghyuck wouldn't listen on a normal basis, but Taeyong looks really angry and he probably needs to not see them for a while, so Donghyuck doesn't protest. Ten, on the other hand, looks slightly amused, letting go of a pink Mark.

They're by the door when he calls for them again.

"If you ever want to talk about kisses or anything else like that, come to me! I'll tell you everything I know!"

"Ten!" Taeyong cries out.

Donghyuck smirks as he closes the door to Mark's room behind him, muffling the older ones' voices. He's curious now.

Mark sits in his chair, turning his back on him and Donghyuck doesn't try to change that for now. He sinks down on Mark's bed, staring at the ceiling.

A moment of silence passes.

"You gonna tell me anytime this year?" Donghyuck asks, surprising himself with his own calm.

"Sorry," Mark says. "You're not a bitch."

"It's fine, I am, a bit," Donghyuck waves his hand dismissively, even though Mark can't see it.

Another minute of nothing at all. Donghyuck is getting impatient.

"I was..." Mark starts quietly. "Embarrassed, I guess. I'm not like you, it's a little weird for me to kiss people just like that."

"You want to kiss people not just like that?" Donghyuck asks.

"No!" Mark spins around in the chair, eyes wide. "I mean, sure, someday I do, but it's about you now, and kissing you is weird."

Donghyuck analyzes carefully the way his chest squeezes. It kind of hurts and he doesn't appreciate it.

"Fine," he says finally. "I won't kiss you just like that. But cheeks are still and option, right?"

Mark stares at him, speechless.

"I mean, uh, sometimes? Maybe?" he allows finally.

He's red again. Donghyuck grins to himself. Mark is so easy, it's not even funny. Okay, no, it is funny. It's hilarious.

They play a game and Donghyuck dozes off on Dongyoung's bed until Dongyoung gets back from wherever he was and throws him out to his own room.

Donghyuck spends a lot of time listening to Jaehyun's slow breathing, thinking about Mark and his red face, different types of kisses, boundaries, what is Ten's wisdom, and why Taeyong seemed so scandalized and flustered as soon as he understood what their deal is.

Donghyuck has never really thought about it seriously, but he guesses he would like to kiss people not just like that. He's known a lot of couples in school, but he never had the time to wonder what it would be like, if he could have a girlfriend, too. He had dance and vocal practice instead.

But maybe Mark had a girlfriend at some point. Maybe that's why kisses are a big deal for him. Or maybe he's just too American for casual kissing. Donghyuck decides to ask him what his problem is tomorrow and finally sleeps.

***

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No," Mark says distractedly, checking something on his phone between bites of food.

"Have you ever wanted to?" Donghyuck continues, ignoring Taeyong telling him to eat before it gets cold.

It's chicken, Donghyuck can eat it whether it's warm or not.

"No," Mark says, leaving his phone just to get distracted by Taeil and Yuta fighting with their chicken drumsticks.

"Have you ever kissed someone?" Donghyuck asks next, secretly pleased Mark isn't paying attention enough to get unnecessarily conscious of the questions.

"N- what the hell is with the inquisition?!" Mark exclaims, annoyed suddenly.

Donghyuck sighs heavily. With Mark being Mark, he will never find out what he wants to find out.

"What," Mark narrows his eyes, his funny eyebrows furrowing.

Donghyuck waves his hand dismissively.

"Never mind," he huffs loftily.

"Yah-" Mark starts, obviously pissed already.

"Break's over, let's practice!" Taeyong calls, throwing them A Look.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but gets up to stretch again. Three hours later and he's exhausted, but there is a festival around the corner and their Cherry Bomb choreography is a little rusty here and there.

Mark seems to be in a good mood, but he doesn't really acknowledge Donghyuck's presence, even though they're usually fooling around together when it comes to practicing with their hyungs. Maybe he still feels a bit awkward, even though it's been a few days since their talk that seemed to go pretty well, if anyone asks Donghyuck. The problem is, no one ever asks Donghyuck anything and now they're stuck being awkward with each other.

"Why are you being a baby?" Donghyuck asks with narrowed eyes when they're back in the dorm and Dongyoung has evacuated himself as soon as Donghyuck burst into his and Mark's room.

"I'm not being a baby," Mark says distractedly, looking around for something.

Donghyuck is ninety seven percent sure it's the glasses that are already resting on his head.

"You are, though," Donghyuck disagrees. "You won't act normal around me."

Mark huffs with frustration and glowers at him.

"I'm acting perfectly normal, I don't know what you're talking about, have you seen my glasses?"

"I'll help you find them, if you talk to me as my best friend, not as a colleague," Donghyuck crosses his arms on his chest.

Mark sighs, exasperated, but sits on his computer chair and glares at him.

"Fine," he mutters.

"Great," Donghyuck huffs, flopping down on Mark's bed. "First, admit that you're awkward around me."

Mark stares at him unblinkingly for a minute. Then he deflates, leaning back on the chair.

"I can't do anything about it," he says, rubbing down his face tiredly. "I know it was nothing for you-"

"That's not true," Donghyuck cuts in instantly.

"Then what?" Mark asks, surprised.

"It got me thinking," Donghyuck shrugs. "About kissing and relationships and stuff. And I haven't been trying to kiss you, either, because you obviously have your issues. You could appreciate that, by the way."

"I don't have issues," Mark grumbles. "It's just, physical affection isn't something I get used to right away. Or at all, probably. It's just not my thing, and, to be honest, you can be too much. But like, some things are okay, so I don't mind when you do them, kissing is not okay, especially on the lip-" he stops abruptly, face flushing, and clears his throat. "Anyway, it got me thinking about stuff, too, so that's why I'm like," he flails his arms a bit. "All awkward or whatever. It's gonna pass, so don't think I'm ignoring you."

Donghyuck hums in thought.

"Fine," he decides mercifully, smirks. "So kissing, especially on the lips, is not okay. Noted."

Mark slaps his arm and runs away with his gaze, standing up again.

"Great, now tell me where my glasses are."

Donghyuck grins demonically.

"I changed my mind. I'll help you find them for two thousand won."

Mark makes an outraged sound.

"You're Satan," he huffs, glancing at his phone. "Dammit, I promised Taeyong-hyung to be in the studio in ten minutes!"

Donghyuck stands up and stretches languidly, observing Mark rummaging around on his desk for another few seconds. He turns to the door.

"They're on your head, you giant loser," he tosses over his shoulder.

He hears Mark sigh in relief behind him, as he exits the room. Time to annoy someone else. Maybe Jaehyun will entertain him.

"Hi, Donghyuckie," Jaehyun says with a smile, patting the couch next to him for Donghyuck to sit.

"Are you done harassing Mark?" Dongyoung asks from Jaehyun's other side, his focus mostly on _Anastasia_ playing on their TV.

"Yup, he went to the studio," Donghyuck confirms, stealing some of Dongyoung's chips.

Dongyoung blindly smacks his hand.

"So now you came to irritate us?" he guesses.

"Yup," Donghyuck repeats.

Dongyoung just sighs.

"Why doesn't Jeno live here instead of you."

"You don't mean that and we all know it," Jaehyun sing-songs.

Dongyoung doesn't deny nor confirm anything and they watch _Mulan_ after _Anastasia_ ends. Taeil joins them at one point, squeezing himself in between Donghyuck and the armrest. He doesn't say anything when Donghyuck clings to him and even plays with his hair. Sicheng peeks out from behind the door and Taeil waves him over. Sicheng settles in his lap just as _I'll make a man out of you_ begins. Their wailing quickly attracts Yuta's and Johnny's attention and they make themselves comfortable on the floor, joining in.

"We can't end it like this," Johnny decides when _Mulan_ is over, and puts on _Frozen_.

Taeil and Jaehyun make popcorn and Johnny quickly squeezes himself onto the couch, throwing an arm around Donghyuck's shoulders affectionately.

"I hate this movie," Dongyoung informs them, making a face, but sings along to every song.

Yuta starts imitating a commentator in the more tense moments at one point, which makes the movie completely ridiculous. Johnny pretends to be Anna, because he apparently knows the whole movie by heart, and his high-pitched voice sends Donghyuck into continuous fits of giggles. Jaehyun spends half of the time arguing with Johnny about taking up his place on the couch and Taeil tries to beg Sicheng to let him sit in his lap now, which Sicheng completely ignores. Dongyoung complains loudly about plot when he's not singing and Donghyuck argues with him just for the principle of things.

Taeyong and Mark don't come back until it's incredibly late and at least five arguments have taken place. Donghyuck goes to bed satisfied with the day and prepared for another one full of exhausting practice. 

What he's not prepared for is a dream about Mark finding him during a party Donghyuck doesn't know why he's at and holding him close to whisper something in his ear. What he's not prepared for is the way he feels after waking up, ruffled and almost aching with longing, because dream-Mark pulled him out of the party and took him to the beach just to kiss him breathless. For the first time since it started, Donghyuck is kind of glad Mark is keeping distance.

***

They're on stage again and Donghyuck's blood is thrumming with excitement. He sings and dances, and has fun, and everything is right for a moment. He doesn't think, doesn't try to figure out his complicated feelings. He's not a boy right now, he's an idol, and as much as that label usually makes him feel more suffocated, this time it's freeing. They bow and wave at fans, as they leave the stage, and Donghyuck suddenly feels compelled to look at Mark. He finds him already looking back, a wide, brilliant smile on his face, eyes big and sparkling. There is something in them that makes Donghyuck's heart skip and trip over itself to end up pounding like crazy. He tries not to think about the messed up dream from almost two weeks before. Mark turns away from him in a moment, waving one last time before Johnny's arm lands on his shoulder to drag him backstage. Donghyuck still has trouble breathing. Someone smacks his ass and he glances over his shoulder to see Yuta.

"Good job out there," Yuta says with a grin, pulling Donghyuck closer to lock their arms.

"You, too, hyung," Donghyuck smiles.

His heart returns to normal after Taeyong catches up to them to hurry them up, always stressed three times more when it comes to live performances.

It's the end of July, the air awfully warm even at night. Their managers take all of them out to eat. It's loud and fun, Ten trying to dance on a table at one point. Yukhei laughs so much, he almost destroys one of the chairs and himself in the process, when he falls to the floor. Mark hollers, sliding down his own chair and trying to calm down on the floor as a manager and Taeyong check up on Yukhei.

Donghyuck is sitting between Renjun and Johnny, winning every game they come up with until Johnny calls him out for cheating. Renjun cheated, too, so Donghyuck gets deeply invested in trying to convince Johnny he's not the only bad guy here. Jungwoo distracts him with a few well timed jokes. Then they all get distracted by Chenle trying to steal Jaehyun's alcohol, because Jaehyun is too busy talking to Sicheng to notice anything. Kun smacks Chenle upside the head and then does the same to Jaehyun, who looks at him in confusion. 

Yukhei comes back from the dead only to start arguing with Renjun in Mandarin. Sicheng quickly joins in, but Chenle just rolls his eyes, whispering with Jisung about something. It's suspicious, but it's not like Donghyuck doesn't plot suspicious things on a regular basis, so he doesn't say anything. Jeno is dozing off on Jaemin's shoulder. Jaemin is in the middle of explaining something to Taeil animatedly. Dongyoung is taking pictures of Jeno, because he's weird like that. Yuta had a lot to drink and Sicheng tries to unglue him from himself, without much success.

The night progresses smoothly until everyone except for the underage ones and Kun are drunk. Kun doesn't really like to drink, which is good, because Donghyuck doesn't think the Dreamies are the best supervisors and there is only so much the managers can do. Johnny is leaning on his shoulder and giggling quietly. Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at Ten making himself comfortable in Taeyong's lap, but leaves them be. They look pretty nice together, too. Instead, he watches Mark, because Mark is wasted. Donghyuck has seen him drunk before, but this is a whole new level. It's the most entertaining thing that's happened tonight and judging by Jisung's face, Mark won't hear the end of it once he's sober.

"Donghyuck-ah," Mark slurs melodically, almost choking Donghyuck, as he throws an arm around his neck affectionately. "Hyuck, Hyuckie," he continues and giggles out of nowhere.

The managers are trying to get them all out of the restaurant, shooing the more sober ones towards the car and rolling eyes at Yuta who has to be almost carried by Sicheng and Kun. Donghyuck gestures for Jaemin to record Mark's drunken phase, because it's amazing. They will have so much blackmail material.

"Haechanie," Mark mumbles into his ear around a dumb grin, and Donghyuck can't stop the shiver running down his spine at the feeling of Mark's warm breath on his skin.

Mark doesn't call him that unless they go on programs or turn on the vlive. Or when he feels exceptionally good about the world and enjoys Donghyuck's presence a lot.

"Aww, Mark is such a cutie," Donghyuck coos mockingly, fixing the hold he has on Mark and trying to ignore Yukhei and Chenle doing their best to make them all deaf. "If you trip, I'm leaving you on the road."

Mark laughs, throwing his head back.

"You should call me hyung," he cackles, but doesn't seem to be very offended.

It would be weird, if he was, with the kind of state he is currently in, Donghyuck thinks.

"I'll call you hyung when you can walk on your own," he challenges.

"Okay, watch me!" Mark exclaims in English, letting go of Donghyuck and immediately landing on his ass.

Donghyuck laughs. Jaemin laughs, too, still recording everything on his phone. Mark is giggling so much, he can barely sit, not to mention standing up. Donghyuck crouches in front of him.

"Get up, we're going home, Markie," he says, helping him get to his feet.

Mark is still shaking because of his laughter, but leans his whole weight on Donghyuck, warm and solid, and lets himself be pushed into the car. Donghyuck gets in after him and does his best to ignore how his chest swells when Mark's head falls to his shoulder.

***

Donghyuck isn't sure what time it is when he wakes up, but Jaehyun is fast asleep and Donghyuck is thirsty. He sits up and scratches at his head absently, but then figures the only place where he can find water is kitchen, so he reluctantly leaves his warm bed to go on an adventure.

"Stop," he hears right before he enters the kitchen and it takes his brain a few long seconds to understand the word wasn't directed at him.

Interesting, he thinks, waking up a bit more.

"Why?" it's Ten who whines quietly in reply.

"We're in the kitchen," Taeyong hisses back, at which point Donghyuck is plastered to the wall, straining to hear everything.

"So?" Ten asks and Taeyong huffs.

"What if one of the kids shows up?"

"They're all asleep," Ten mutters smoothly, his voice deeper now.

Donghyuck makes a face, even though he has to admit that he would let that convince him, if he was in Taeyong's place. There is silence for a while and then quiet sounds of kissing. One of them sighs and Donghyuck is almost absolutely sure it was Taeyong.

He's one of the kids, so he dutifully shows up then, leaning on the wall inside and watching them make out for a while. It's a nice view. Taeyong's fingers are buried in Ten's hair, as Ten presses him into the counter. It's a slow, deep kiss and Taeyong groans quietly when Ten's hands move down to grip his ass and press their hips together. Donghyuck shrugs to himself and takes a glass from the cabinet next to them. They realize they're not alone only when he turns the tap on.

Taeyong yelps and immediately pushes Ten off of him. Ten laughs as soon as he realizes it's Donghyuck.

"Shit, Donghyuck-ah," Taeyong says, palm pressed to his chest. Donghyuck guesses he really startled him. "Sorry about, um, this," he turns to Ten to hit him in the arm. "This is all your fault!"

"I didn't hear you complaining a minute ago," Ten grins.

Taeyong is very red. Donghyuck sips on his water.

"We'll go now, get whatever you need," Taeyong tells him, avoiding eye contact and slipping out of the kitchen quickly.

It's bright out already. The kitchen clock says it's after seven. Donghyuck is surprised Yuta isn't awake yet. He wonders, if Ten spent the night here.

"Actually," he says before Ten can follow Taeyong. "Can we talk?"

Ten pauses, amused smile slipping off his face. He cocks his head to the side. It's early for a conversation like this, Donghyuck knows, and Ten would normally whine about wanting to sleep. Donghyuck doesn't know why he doesn't do it now.

"I'll make coffee," Ten says only.

He even lets Donghyuck play with his fingers once they settle on the couch in the living room. Donghyuck hears shower and guesses it's either Taeyong or Yuta.

"You wanna hear about kisses?" Ten asks after a while of silence.

Donghyuck nods, unsure how to ask or where to start. Taeyong's head pops out from behind the door. He looks sleepy and slightly confused. Donghyuck guesses he was waiting for Ten to join him in bed. So that means Yuta is up. Taeyong eyes the coffee and Donghyuck's nervous movements, and settles on the couch next to Ten. Ten smiles at him and fixes his messy hair a bit. Donghyuck watches them with something weird squeezing his chest. He realizes it's envy. Taeyong isn't flustered anymore, he lets Ten touch his face gently with a small sigh.

"You didn't talk to Mark properly, did you," he says quietly.

Donghyuck sighs, too, in frustration.

"He won't talk to me about this," he admits. "All I got is that kissing me is weird."

"You didn't kiss him forcefully again, right?" Ten narrows his eyes.

"I never kissed him forcefully," Donghyuck protests immediately. "It was an accident."

"Right," Ten says like he doesn't really believe him, but drops it. "Anyway, what do you actually wanna know?"

“What does it feel like to kiss people? Like, really kiss them? Is there a moment that you’re sure you can kiss someone, or is it just a happy coincidence? Does it always feel the same with a particular person? Do feelings have to be there when you kiss someone?” Donghyuck rambles the first few questions that come to his mind.

Ten stares at him unblinkingly.

“It’s too early for this,” he sighs finally.

“You were the one who told him to come to you,” Taeyong points out. “Now suffer.”

Ten throws him a flat look, but Taeyong doesn’t care about that, so Ten turns back to Donghyuck.

“I don’t even remember all of the questions,” he informs him. “So I’ll just tell you what I know and what I think you should definitely find out for now. The most important thing is consent. Kissing people forcefully won't make them like you. The second most important thing is that what they tell you all the time is bullshit, it doesn't have to be between a guy and a girl. Love is love, kissing is kissing, get it?"

Donghyuck nods solemnly. So it's possible, even if Mark is freaking out over it.

"Just read about it on the internet or something and come to me when you're not sure about some things, okay?" Ten continues and waits for Donghyuck to nod again. "Okay, listen. Kissing feels completely different depending on occasion, time, atmosphere, the person you’re kissing and how you feel about them. During kissing, you might have completely different thoughts or experience different emotions than the other person. Which brings us back to consent. You really shouldn’t go around kissing people who obviously don’t want that.”

“It never feels the same with a particular person,” Taeyong adds with a sleepy smile. “It’s always something different, exciting or calming, or loving, or a million other things. It's the best when there are feelings, though.”

Donghyuck frowns in thought, trying to ignore the way Ten glances at Taeyong like this talk made him want to do nothing more than make out with him right here and now.

“Do you ask someone, if you can kiss them?” he wonders quickly to draw their focus back to him.

“That depends, too,” Ten shrugs. “Sometimes, there is a need for that.”

“You’ve never asked me,” Taeyong notices.

Ten smirks at him, running fingers through his messy red hair.

“You would bail, if I only tried,” he drawls and Taeyong’s cheeks darken considerably. “The only way to kiss you at the beginning was to surprise you and now you kiss me more than I kiss you.”

Taeyong grumbles something under his breath, but doesn’t protest further. The word kiss is starting to sound weird to Donghyuck, because they’ve repeated it so many times.

“Most of the time, you either know the right moment,” Ten tells him. “You risk it completely, or you let the chance pass you by. It’s simple.”

“It’s the opposite of simple,” Taeyong sighs. “Unless you’re in a relationship, it’s subtle and delicate. Maybe even in a relationship, too, sometimes.”

Donghyuck nods slowly.

“Mark can have an entirely different opinion and feelings about kissing than you, so give him time to get over whatever you did,” Ten advices.

“It was an accident!” Donghyuck cries out in sudden frustration. “I told you that a million times already!”

“Two, specifically,” Taeyong smiles at him mischievously. “But we get it. Don’t we, Ten.”

Ten rolls his eyes, but nods quickly.

“Come and tell me when you kiss someone for real, then we can talk properly about making out and sex, too-”

“Ten!” Taeyong exclaims.

“He’s nineteen, hyung, when I was his age I knew how to-”

“Finish that sentence and you can forget about me doing what you were just thinking about for the next two weeks,” Taeyong threatens.

“Um, ew?” Donghyuck makes a face.

Ten stares at Taeyong with betrayed expression.

“Fine, I won’t tell him about sex,” he grumbles quietly. “For now.”

Taeyong opens his mouth, but all that gets out is another deep sigh.

“I guess that’s all I can count on,” he gives up, stroking Ten’s hair gently.

Ten grins and leans in to peck his lips.

“See, you can kiss like this,” he informs Donghyuck, but is still looking at Taeyong, holding his face in both hands, as he pulls him towards himself to drag their lips against one another slowly. Taeyong obviously wants to protest, but he practically melts instead. “Or like this,” Ten mutters into Taeyong’s mouth. “Or like this-”

“Okay, thanks, I think I’ve seen enough,” Donghyuck stops them before it turns into a full-blown make out session with him as an unfortunate witness.

Ten’s laugh follows him all the way to the kitchen where he makes himself some simple breakfast and sits down by the table, contemplating his life. Taeil shows up after a short while of that, asking why he’s up so early and if he wants to see a video of Yuta puking his guts out after their party a few days ago. Donghyuck definitely does not, so he evacuates quickly to get ready for his vocal practice.

He’s still not sure what to think about the conversation with Ten after his practice ends. It all seems very complicated and sensitive, and he doesn't feel like walking on eggshells around Mark at all. He decides to ask someone his age, because he can't be the only one thinking about these stuff, can he.

And so, he goes over to the Dream's dorm. Jisung opens the door, chewing on Pocky sticks and looking incredibly bored.

"Mark's not here," is the first thing he says and Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

"I'm not looking for Mark."

Jisung narrows his eyes, but makes room so that Donghyuck can come in.

"Right," Jisung remembers. "You're fighting or whatever. Wanna play?" he gestures to some car race game on the screen, currently paused.

"No thanks," Donghyuck says, passing the living room. "And we're not fighting anymore. The trio here?"

Jisung hums in confirmation, controller in his hand and focus already on the game.

Donghyuck enters the hall and opens the door to his friends' room. And stops short. Three pairs of eyes stare at him in wide horror.

"Hyung!" Jisung yells from the living room. "Just knock on the door, they're doing disgusting things in there!"

Donghyuck blinks. Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun blink back.

"Oh," says Donghyuck, an ugly grin stretching his face.

"Shit," says Jaemin, shirtless and situated behind Renjun on the bed.

"Language," says Renjun, fully clothed, but with flushed cheeks and a few dark marks on his shoulder.

"Hi, Hyuck!" says Jeno, straightening from his place in Renjun's lap, sunny smile in place.

"I was just gonna ask you about this," Donghyuck informs them.

"About what?" Jaemin plays dumb immediately.

"I told you someone would finally notice," Renjun grumbles, throwing Jaemin's shirt at his head.

"Not about you," Donghyuck clucks his tongue. "I didn't really notice, I meant in general."

"Right, you were too busy with Mark, huh," Jaemin teases with a smirk, pulling the shirt on.

"What do you mean in general?" Jeno asks, thankfully sitting on the bed instead of straddling anyone now.

"I kissed Mark," Donghyuck says to get it over with.

Two gasps and an excited squeal. They all glance judgmentally at Jaemin.

"What," Jaemin says. "I've been waiting for it for years!"

"What do you mean for years, it was an accident," Donghyuck mutters, finally closing the door to sit on the other bed.

"An accident?" Renjun raises an eyebrow. "Like in dramas?"

"Something like that, I guess," Donghyuck allows, ready for sarcastic comments.

"And?" Renjun asks.

"And what?"

"What do you want from us?" Jeno clarifies, pleasant smile still on his face.

His eyes are sparkling. Donghyuck doesn't understand how that even works.

"I think I already found out what I came here for," he says slowly, trying to put it all together in his head.

"Boo, that's no fun," Jaemin pouts.

Donghyuck glares at him.

"You wanted to ask, if we think about these stuff, didn't you," Renjun guesses and damn, he's good.

Donghyuck has to give him that. He shrugs awkwardly.

"Mark completely freaked out," he admits. "And it's not like kissing is a big deal, right?"

"Depends on your intentions," Renjun says, pressing down on the hickeys on his shoulder absently.

Donghyuck is sure it's Jaemin's doing.

"And how you kiss someone," Jeno adds. "Like, pecking is really not a big deal, but then you can deepen it and that's something else."

Donghyuck blinks at him in shock.

"You're the last person I'd expect to hear something like that from," he says and Jaemin snickers, as Jeno's ears get very pink.

"It's true, though," Jaemin nods solemnly, but can't help grinning anyway. "How did you kiss Mark?"

"As I said, it was an accident," Donghyuck repeats. "I wouldn't even count it as a proper kiss."

"And he freaked out?" Renjun makes sure.

"Your face from up close must have scared him," Jaemin shrugs and Donghyuck reaches out to smack him upside the head.

"Seriously, though, what do you think made him so panicked?"

Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun glance at each other with puzzled expressions, then back at Donghyuck. It feels a bit unnerving under such scrutiny, if he was to be honest, but Donghyuck doesn't take the question back.

"Who knows?" Renjun shrugs. "There might have been a lot of different reasons."

"Like for example that it was his first kiss," Jaemin smirks.

"Or that he has some kind of trauma," Jeno adds thoughtfully.

"Or that he's painfully, unreasonably straight," Jaemin throws in, pretending to shudder with dread.

"Or that he's a pussy and was just very surprised," Renjun says and shrugs again.

"Huang Renjun!" Jeno admonishes, too gently and forgets all about it once Renjun smiles at him prettily.

Donghyuck's had enough.

"Okay, well, thanks," he says, standing up.

"I honestly thought that you were fighting about something more serious," Renjun says, slowly shaking his head.

"I didn't wanna fight at all, it was all Mark," Donghyuck grumbles.

"You were being a bitch, though," Jaemin sing-songs.

"Na Jaemin!" Jeno hisses.

"Yes?" Jaemin asks, batting his eyelashes and touching lightly Jeno's cheek.

Jeno's face immediately gets incredibly dumb and Donghyuck decides to get out of there as soon as he can.

"I'm leaving," he announces, turning to the door. "Continue what you were doing or whatever."

He makes it to the hall and puts on his shoes before he's stopped.

"Hyuck, wait!"

He turns around to look at Jeno, unimpressed.

"Look, I know we tease you a lot," Jeno starts, sheepish.

Donghyuck glances at Jisung, but he has headphones on, completely oblivious to what's happening around him.

"But you can tell us anything," Jeno says and Donghyuck wasn't prepared for that kind of sincerity. "What you saw, we're not really sure what we're doing either. It just doesn't feel wrong, even if it is."

"It's not wrong, Jeno-ah," Donghyuck says immediately.

Jeno beams at him, but his gaze is careful and open.

"I'm just saying that we can't give you any real advice, because it's all trying and seeing, if we like it," he continues. "But we're here and you can talk to us, always."

"I hate how you're already using 'we'," Donghyuck grumbles, because he refuses to get emotional.

Jeno's eyes are huge and glittery when he puts a hand on Donghyuck's shoulder.

"But you believe me, right?"

"No-jam," Donghyuck sighs. "You're the last good person in this world, I'd believe cartoon birds did your hair this morning."

The way Jeno smiles at him is unreal. He also not particularly gently slaps his arm, but Donghyuck will graciously forgive him.

He goes back to the 127 dorm and immediately gets roped into helping Taeyong cook dinner. It's not bad, though, despite his complaints. Taeyong looks at him like he always does, with fond exasperation worthy of a loving parent, and scolds Yuta for teasing him, which is more than Donghyuk counted for. Donghyuck tries to spike Yuta's cola with soy sauce, but Taeil catches him and pours it down the drain. Donghyuck pouts and doesn't think about his complicated emotions for once.

***

Renjun stretches his short legs in the small booth, devouring the takeout they ordered after vocal practice.

"Do you feel a difference?" Donghyuck asks suddenly, apropos of nothing.

Renjun looks at him like Donghyuck somehow managed to turn into a toaster since the last time Renjun saw him.

"What difference?"

Donghyuck sighs. He's not sure, if he should be getting so depressed and melancholic about his identity crisis, but he can't help it.

"When Jeno and Jaemin kiss you. Is there a difference?"

Renjun blinks very quickly for a few seconds, his cheeks getting visibly darker.

"Are you serious?" he asks finally.

Donghyuck stares at him until Renjun acknowledges that yes, indeed, he is very much serious. He doesn't really know why he's asking, but this whole kissing deal and Mark's red face won't leave him alone. He tries not to think about his dreams, but he's pretty sure he's never remembered any of his dreams for as long as he does this one.

"Of course there is a difference," Renjun mutters, playing with his own fingers.

Donghyuck smirks, congratulating himself on getting his groupmate so flustered.

"What is it, then?" he asks, but suddenly recalls all his internal struggles, which immediately wipes the smile off his face.

Renjun clears his throat and ruffles his hair, glancing at him, but looking away in an instant.

"You want like, a metaphor?"

"Yeah, sure," Donghyuck allows, because that might be easier on both of them.

Renjun frowns in thought. He apparently refuses to look at Donghyuck while he says it. Donghyuck is more than fine with that.

"So with Jaemin it's like those American high school movies, where at the end everyone gathers because of some huge event and the main couple kisses in front of the whole school. It's all thrilling, everyone cheers and you feel like you can do anything you want, because you will definitely accomplish it," Renjun says finally and Donghyuck is briefly amazed at how well-spoken his friend is, but he wouldn't be himself, if he didn't tease him.

"That's so cheesy," he complains, pretending to shudder in distaste.

"You asked," Renjun glares at him.

His blush has reached his ears.

"Yeah, I know," Donghyuck waves him off. "What about Jeno?"

Renjun clears his throat again.

"With Jeno it's like sitting on the rooftop and looking at the sky at night. The world is kind of slower and you don't want the moment to pass. You feel like you could sit there and kiss forever."

Donghyuck has started to regret he ever asked, honestly.

"I'm gonna throw up," he mumbles weakly.

"It's your own fault!" Renjun hisses. He's completely red now.

They sit in silence for a while, but it's not uncomfortable, despite their conversation.

"What is it like with both of them?" Donghyuck asks finally, because apparently he's starved for cringe.

Renjun huffs.

"With both of them it's like a damn rollercoaster, seriously," he says, suddenly pissed for some reason. "Especially that Jeno really likes soft kisses, on the forehead or nose, and Jaemin is just fucking wild, he loves kissing us all over, like on the neck or stomach, or thighs-"

"I'm going to stop you right there," Donghyuck holds up his hand, actually scared of what he might hear.

"Sorry," Renjun mumbles, slumping against the wall with a sigh. "I'm just frustrated, because they really suit each other, they're both so unique, and I'm just kind of stuck in between, all awkward, and I don't really get why they would want-"

Donghyuck holds his hand up again, reaching for his phone. Renjun raises his eyebrows in surprise, but stops talking. Jaemin picks up after the second signal.

"Is Jeno with you?" Donghyuck asks, and Renjun must realize what's going on, because his eyes go wide and he immediately scrambles to reach Donghyuck’s phone and stop him.

But Donghyuck is on a mission and he avoids Renjun's attacks expertly.

"Yeah," Jaemin says cheerfully. "Why?"

"You need to talk," Donghyuck informs him, hissing at Renjun scratching his side.

"To Jeno?" Jaemin asks, dumbly.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

"Lee Donghyuck, I swear to fucking god, I will maim you!" Renjun shrieks.

Donghyuck is currently in a corner of the recording booth, holding Renjun back with a chair.

"No, genius, not to each other!" Donghyuck yells. "I mean with your other boyfriend! Where are you?"

"Ah!" Jaemin acknowledges with sudden understanding, stretching the syllable. "We're entering the practice building."

"Hurry up, we're in one of the booths!" Donghyuck huffs. "I don't know how long I can hold him!"

"We'll be there in a sec!" Jaemin promises.

Renjun abandoned the idea of interrupting him, since it’s pointless now. He tries to flee instead. Donghyuck gets to the door first, successfully preventing him from accomplishing that. Renjun huffs angrily and gives up, slumping back on the ground. If gazes could kill, Donghyuck would be dead.

"Anticipate poison in your drink," Renjun mutters darkly. "Soon," he adds ominously.

Donghyuck grins.

"Poison? Seriously?"

"Fine, I will gut you in your sleep," Renjun changes his mind.

"That's more your style," Donghyuck nods solemnly.

"Don't count on hearing anything else about kissing and relationships from me," Renjun says, but they both know it's a lie.

He's a good guy and loves to help whenever he can, especially when it comes to his friends. It doesn't mean Donghyuck won't go with it, though.

"That's okay, I'll just ask Jaemin," he dismisses haughtily.

"The pheromones throwing flower boy?" Renjun scoffs.

"Or Jeno," Donghyuck adds.

"The too nice for his own good dork?" Renjun raises an eyebrow.

"It's funny how you're trying to insult them, but it doesn't seem to be working out at all," Donghyuck sing-songs.

The door opens.

"That was good, maybe we should put it in our official profiles?" Jaemin grins cheekily.

"Let's get t-shirts with those lines," Jeno suggests, a playful smile on his face.

Renjun completely deflates seeing them.

"Shut up and go away," he mutters, throwing another glare at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck serves him a fake smile with a victory sign for good measure.

"No way in hell, cupcake," Jaemin puts hands on his hips, his grin turning dangerously final.

Donghyuck pretends to gag.

"What's going on, baby?" Jeno asks, his eyes still smiling, but the rest not so much.

Donghyuck pretends to gag again, throwing in sound effects.

"I'm gonna leave you before I lose my dinner," he announces, trying to omit them on his way out as fast as he can.

"Sure, drama queen," Jaemin salutes him mockingly.

"Thanks, Hyuck-ah," Jeno says after him and that seems to be it.

Donghyuck leans on the wall outside for a moment, but he doesn't want to hear what's going on inside, so he makes himself move.

His practice for the day ended about an hour ago, so he just wanders aimlessly around. He wonders what it would feel like to kiss Mark, like really kiss him.

As if summoned, Mark's head appears behind the glass to the recording studio. He's alone and Donghyuck is bored, so why not tease him a little.

Mark's eyes are closed as he's listening to some track on the computer, fingers tapping out rhythm against the big headphones covering his ears. Donghyuck sits very close to him and waits with a manic grin. The track ends and Mark startles so badly after opening his eyes, he almost falls off the chair.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Lee Donghyuck!" he screeches in English once he rights himself.

Donghyuck bursts out laughing. Mark glares at him begrudgingly.

"Hi, hyung!" he greets.

"What are you doing here, I thought you were done for today," Mark grumbles, placing the headphones carefully on the desk in front of him.

"I am," Donghyuck shrugs. "I was hanging out with Renjun, but then relationship drama happened, so I left them to talk."

Mark stares at him in confusion.

"What relationship? What drama? Who is them?" he asks and Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

Ever since he discovered that Jaemin, Jeno and Renjun are dating, they stopped being even remotely discreet about it. Mark should have noticed, but as usual, he's been an oblivious idiot.

"You're supposed to be the leader!" Donghyuck scoffs. "How did you not notice?"

"The leader?" Mark repeats slowly and then gasps. "It's someone in Dream?!"

Donghyuck stares at him, deadpan.

"But it's not Jisung and Chenle, right?" Mark asks, eyes impossibly wide.

Donghyuck makes a face.

"Oh my god, no, they're like, twelve! It's the rest."

"The rest? You mean Jaemin and Jeno? Or Jeno and Renjun? Or-"

"Yes, them," Donghyuck decides he's bored of this game. "All of them."

Mark stares at him in shock, speechless. Donghyuck waits.

"ALL OF THEM?!" Mark shouts finally, after his tiny brain is able to comprehend it's even possible.

"It's just three people," Donghyuck says, patting his shoulder patronizingly. "Take your time to process, though."

Mark hides his face in his hands and lets out what could easily be classified as the cry of a dying whale. Donghyuck feels bad for him, but only a little. Suddenly, a thought attacks him and twists his stomach, making him withdraw his hand. Because what if Mark will be against it? What if he will tell them to break up, because it could cause them all a million problems? What if, despite Donghyuck knowing him so well, it turns out Mark isn't the open, accepting, supportive person Donghyuck thought he was?

"That's," Mark starts, muffled by his palms. "A lot. It's gonna be so much harder to contain you guys now. God, relationship drama? With three people? We'll probably get sucked into it, too, on top of everything that's going on. What if I'm not be able to help them figure it out when they need me?"

Donghyuck releases the breath he's been holding. To somehow mask his relief, he opts for the usual banter that never fails to clear the atmosphere between them.

"Well, judging by the fact that you have zero experience when it comes to dating, it's highly unlikely you would be of any help anyway."

Mark straightens just to glower at him, and it's only now that Donghyuck spots the dark circles under his eyes.

"They'll be fine," he assures. "Jaemin will make them talk it out, no matter what the problem is. You don't have to stress over it."

They both know Mark will anyway. Donghyuck watches him rub his face, dropping the Harry Potter glasses on the desk next to the headphones. He'd like to hug him and maybe kiss his head, but Mark doesn't know how to receive that kind of affection, so Donghyuck stays put. There is something bitter on his tongue and he wonders, not for the first time and definitely not for the last, if this is maybe more than just curiosity. If he maybe isn't just after experiencing kissing and experimenting with his sexuality that he never really gave a serious thought until a few weeks ago. If he maybe really likes Mark.

"Hey, hyung," he starts carefully.

Mark looks at him questioningly. He's pretty pale. Donghyuck almost feels bad asking.

"Wanna help me with my existential crisis?"

Mark blinks at him, momentarily taken aback. Then he groans.

"You mean there is relationship drama with three people from our team and you have an existential crisis, too?"

Donghyuck shrugs.

"It's not all that serious."

Mark sighs long-sufferingly.

"How do you want me to help?"

Donghyuck considers him for a moment. Wonders, if Mark knows how much they appreciate him as their leader, who's dealing with so much work and their team's teenage hormones to top it off. He considers backing out, because Mark looks pretty stressed, but his heart has already sped up, and besides, Lee Donghyuck, a.k.a Haechan, never goes back on whatever fucked up, risky ideas he came up with.

"Let me kiss you."

Mark waits for him to say it's a joke, but when Donghyuck doesn't, his face gets gradually very, very red.

"You're serious," he squeaks out, but it's not a question. He clears his throat, eyes chaotic, focusing on everything except Donghyuck's face. "Holy shit, Donghyuck-ah. You're actually serious."

Donghyuck shrugs again, something heavy settling in his stomach.

"Okay, uh, just, just talk to me," Mark tries his best to turn on his leader mode, but frankly, it's pretty pathetic. "What is this existential crisis about?"

Donghyuck figures he can tell him as much, since he just made Mark this flustered.

"It's just, I've never actually wondered about my sexuality before, because there are guys and girls and at one point they get married, right? That's what everyone says and what they show everywhere. And besides, idols aren't supposed to be dating. So I didn't think about it, but then I kissed you accidentally," Donghyuck pauses, finding that he's actually a bit nervous about just disclosing his thoughts like this. "So I started thinking about it, because it's physically possible to kiss both girls and guys, right? And then I talked to Ten."

"Ten-hyung," Mark corrects automatically, frowning in concentration now, despite still being flushed.

"Fine, yeah, Ten-hyung," Donghyuck agrees, impatient, because that's so not the point here. "So Ten-hyung told me it's not wrong to kiss whoever I want to, as long as that person wants to be kissed. It doesn't have to be guys and girls and it's not really true that idols can't date, especially since it's actually pretty easy when you're in the same group as the person you're dating. And then Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun happened. That's why I've been thinking and that's why the crisis."

Mark looks at him mutely for a long minute.

"It's good," he says finally, carefully. "You should be happy, so think about it seriously. And I really want to help, but I don't think your method will work."

Donghyuck scrunches up his nose.

"Why not?" he decides to turn it all into a joke, because he doesn't really like the way his stomach feels, churning like this. "You're scared you could scar me and prevent me from kissing boys ever again?"

Mark gapes at him, huffs incredulously, opening and closing his mouth several times without any words leaving it. Donghyuck laughs, because panicked Mark is the funniest Mark.

"What the hell, Hyuck!" Mark accuses finally.

"Well," Donghyuck sits back comfortably with a smirk. "There has to be a reason, right? Bad technique is a reason enough, don't you think?"

Mark still looks panicked, but now also pissed and maybe embarrassed.

"How would I know, I've never actually done it-" he stops short, eyes widening, as he stares at Donghyuck in horror, but it's too late.

Donghyuck narrows his eyes, delighted grin widening his mouth. Mark is sitting completely still, scared to say anything else.

"So I was your first kiss," Donghyuck sums up, dragging out every word.

Mark is red again, in motion, sputtering and throwing his hands up in a wild gesture that almost rids Donghyuck off his eyes. Donghyuck leans back with a grimace and catches Mark's arms, purely as protection for himself. Mark pauses his nervous rant about this being Mark's business, not Donghyuck's, and looks at him with wide eyes. Like a deer caught in headlights. Donghyuck is pretty sure he shouldn't be enjoying this so much.

But Mark gets serious too quickly, his gaze heavy.

"I'm serious, Hyuck-ah," he says. "I fully support you, but this isn't a good idea."

Donghyuck scoffs, good mood disappearing in an instant. His gut twists again.

"And here I was, thinking you'd want to have a real kiss since you're already twenty," he says haughtily.

Mark smiles at him, a genuine, wide grin, and grabs both of his hands to hold them tightly.

"You're gonna figure it out," he tells him, sincere and so warm. Donghyuck kind of wants to claw at his chest, but huffs instead. "Honestly, you're like, the only person I'd bet actual money on to figure it out."

Donghyuck leers.

"Wanna bet?"

Mark laughs, short and loud, and lets go of him to grab his glasses again. Donghyuck feels the loss of his hands more than he would like to admit even to himself.

"What are you doing, anyway?" he asks just to do something about himself.

Mark reaches for the headphones.

"I kinda made a demo," he mumbles, shy all of a sudden.

"With lyrics?" Donghyuck asks, instantly snatching the headphones from Mark's hand.

"Yeah," Mark admits.

"Let me listen," Donghyuck says, putting the headphones on.

Mark looks at him for another moment, something strange and not entirely comprehensible in his eyes, until Donghyuck hurries him up with an impatient wave of his hand.  
And Donghyuck is reminded again how talented his stressed, embarrassing, supportive best friend is.

***

The thing is, after their talk, his stressed, embarrassing, supportive best friend starts avoiding Donghyuck again. Donghyuck can't find one good reason as to why they would get back to ignoring each other unless it's absolutely necessary to communicate. There is nothing. Asking Mark for a kiss couldn't have had lasting effects, especially when he was back in leader mode by the end of that conversation. And then showed Donghyuck his demo. Usually, Donghyuck has to whine for hours before Mark caves in.

"I'm telling you, he's just a pussy," Renjun decides, when Donghyuck storms into his room in frustration, even though he promised no more relationship advice.

"I don't get it!" Donghyuck huffs, throwing himself on Jeno's bed dramatically.

Renjun goes as far as to reach out to pat his back in only slightly condescending consolation.

Donghyuck stays with his face in Jeno's pillow until he can't breathe properly. He tried catching Mark to make him talk several times, but it's always ended with a lame excuse and Donghyuck's blood pressure rising dangerously.

Donghyuck hears voices from the front door, but doesn't move a muscle.

"What the hell is wrong with this one?" Yukhei asks, entering the room.

Donghyuck groans.

"What are you doing here, hyung?" Renjun asks, disinterested.

"Came to visit you and Chenle," Yukhei announces, sitting next to Donghyuck.

"Is Sicheng-hyung with you?" Renjun perks up and Donghyuck rolls his eyes into the pillow.

"Yeah, he's in the living room with Jisung and Kun now," Yukhei says and Donghyuck hears rustling as Renjun gets up and disappears without another word.

There is silence for a moment. Yukhei is playing with Donghyuck's ear absently, which would have annoyed him on a regular basis, but right now he doesn't mind at all.

"What's wrong?" Yukhei asks.

Donghyuck finally turns to his side. Yukhei grins down at him without pausing the movements of his fingers. Donghyuck doesn't tell him to stop, either.

"Canada," Donghyuck grumbles and Yukhei laughs shortly, but he looks away quickly.

"Give him some time, Hyuckie," he says, smile lopsided.

Donghyuck narrows his eyes and Yukhei almost squeals nervously, getting up from the bed.

"Stop right there," Donghyuck hisses.

Yukhei looks panicked, but stops. Donghyuck sits up.

"You know something, don't you."

Yukhei giggles, backing away towards the door slowly.

"I can't say!" he says abruptly. "I promised! You won't take me alive!"

Donghyuck doesn't call him out on being overly dramatic, because he knows he can be worse. He does, however, let out a war scream and chases Yukhei out of the room. Yukhei laughs manically, rounding the living room twice and then hiding behind Kun. Which, Donghyuck must admit, is a perfect strategy.

"What's going on?!" Kun asks with a confused frown, stopping Donghyuck forcefully right in front of him.

Donghyuck glares at Yukhei, who shows him his tongue.

"He knows why Mark is avoiding me like a nine year old," Donghyuck seethes. "And won't tell me!"

Kun frowns even more and glances at Yukhei over his shoulder. He says something in Mandarin. Yukhei answers, flailing his arms. Donghyuck knows Renjun, Sicheng and Jisung are judging them silently on the side, but he doesn't care right now. It's not fair. He just wants to be on normal terms with Mark. Is that too much to ask? Okay, so Donghyuck asked him about kissing and also accidentally did kiss him, but it's his own problem and his own crisis, and Mark doesn't have to make it even harder with his weird avoidance tactics. Donghyuck could actually use all support he can get, because it still seems strange and unnatural to him to even be considering that he might like boys, too. Honestly speaking, he feels betrayed just a bit. Mark told him Donghyuck has his full support and now it's been two weeks during which they barely spoke a word to each other. They're going to have to work on a comeback soon, too.

"Donghyuckie, sit down," Kun sighs and Donghyuck complies with another vicious glare in Yukhei's direction. "You, too, Xuxi."

Yukhei smiles at Donghyuck apologetically, as he falls on the couch next to him.

"Sichengie, can you leave us alone?" Kun asks next.

Sicheng nods, grabbing Renjun's hand and Jisung's nape to get them out of the room. Jisung protests at the treatment, sending Donghyuck a curious glance before he's pushed into Renjun's room. The door clicks quietly.

Donghyuck focuses on Yukhei and Kun, a sense of Deja vu hitting him in an instant, because Kun's face is very similar to the one Taeyong had a few weeks ago, when he tried to get Donghyuck and Mark to make up.

"Mark's ignoring you?" Kun asks Donghyuck.

It's clear that he's worried. Donghyuck crosses arms on his chest as a sign of discontentment.

"It's been more than two weeks and he doesn't talk to me, except for work stuff," he mutters.

Kun hums thoughtfully.

"And you know why?" he turns to Yukhei.

Yukhei shrugs awkwardly.

"I can't say," he mumbles sheepishly.

"That's good," Kun nods seriously and Donghyuck gasps at the obvious betrayal. "What I mean," Kun raises an eyebrow at him. "Is that Xuxi is a good friend, if he won't say what Mark obviously doesn't want him to."

Donghyuck scoffs, but doesn't say anything to that.

"There is one solution to this situation, though," Kun smiles and Donghyuck straightens in anticipation. "Xuxi will get Mark to talk to you honestly."

Yukhei's face falls.

"What! I can't! He won't do it!"

"That's why we need a plan to trick him into it," Kun explains lightly, the smile turning a bit crazy.

That's what Donghyuck loves him for.

***

Donghyuck might miss Mark just a little bit, which he wouldn't admit to anyone. Mark is fun. He can be awkward and oblivious, but he jokes a lot and reacts to teasing in the best way. His dumb laugh is contagious and Donghyuck misses making him fall into fits of giggles. Mark is also one of the most considerate people out there. Even though he doesn't like physical affection much, and runs away or smacks Donghyuck as soon as he tries anything, he will compensate for the lack of bold touches with something else.

He often runs his hand over Donghyuck's nape after rejecting a kiss on the cheek. He lets Donghyuck lie his head down on his shoulder after immediately untangling himself from a tight hug that Donghyuck surprised him with. He doesn't mind holding hands all that much and always squeezes Donghyuck's before letting go to let him know it's enough for now without being an asshole about it. He actually likes resting his hand on Donghyuck's thigh when they're sitting next to each other.

As Donghyuck lies in his bed at night, it's those tiny things that won't let him sleep, not necessarily thoughts of kissing Mark, like at the beginning of this messed up self-discovery. It's those tiny things that make him worry.

"Hyuck-ah," Jaemin calls him one day when they're taking a break from dance practice.

"Yeah?" Donghyuck asks, refusing to get up off the floor where he's lying sprawled and getting his breathing back to normal.

Mark and Chenle went out to buy some sodas. Mark spoke one whole sentence to Donghyuck today, which he ironically counts as a success. He can’t imagine working together with him when their comeback preparations fully hit. Jisung is freestyling on the other end of the room, because he's clearly not human. Jeno and Renjun are sitting under the mirrors, watching something on Jeno's phone. Donghyuck suspects it's cute hamster videos. Jaemin crawls over to him to flop down with a groan.

"I've been going over the stuff on my phone," he says, taking it out. "And I think you should watch this."

Donghyuck doesn't really feel like it, but he leans his head on Jaemin's shoulder to look. It's the video Jaemin took those few weeks ago when they went out drinking. Donghyuck wants to say he was sober then and remembers everything, so he doesn't need to see this, but the words die down in his mouth. Mark is hilarious, of course, as Jisung and Chenle have made sure to inform him a few million times already, to the point of Mark closing them in the practice room for two hours once just to have some time to breathe. But it's not a drunk Mark that makes Donghyuck pause. It's him. Right there, in the video on Jaemin's phone, looking at Mark the same way Donghyuck sometimes catches Taeyong look at Ten, with so much affection, Donghyuck would gag, if he wasn't watching himself do it.

"You know what I mean," Jaemin says and it's not a question. "Now look at this."

He turns the video off and puts Mark's and Donghyuck's names in the search bar on Naver. There are a lot of selfies they've taken together, but Jaemin skips those quickly, scrolling down until he makes a triumphant sound. Donghyuck stares at a picture of him looking somewhere ahead. It's on a stage, so maybe he was turned towards fans. But Mark is standing next to him and staring right at him with a gaze similarly awestruck and affectionate to the one Donghyuck just watched himself have in the video.

"It's not the same," Jaemin says lowly. "But it happens a lot, on both parts. It can be about completely different feelings, I'm just saying that if it's you, we can assume it… means something."

Donghyuck blanks out. Okay, so he's had a few weird dreams about Mark. He's wondered about his sexuality. He accidentally kissed Mark. He's been dying to kiss… someone for ages, not necessarily Mark, he's just been thinking about making out a lot these days. But it never even occurred to him that there might be feelings. For Mark. Like, actual romantic feelings. His. For Mark.

"Hey, hey, hey, stay with me," Jaemin calls immediately. "I didn't mean to give you a reason for another existential crisis, just think about it, okay? Donghyuck?"

Donghyuck nods absentmindedly, but Jaemin's words barely reach him. He has feelings for Mark.

They attempt to go back to practicing after Mark and Chenle get back, but Donghyuck is so distracted, it doesn't make sense to keep going. He makes mistakes every few seconds, once even bumping into Renjun, who is this close to murdering him on the spot.

Mark calls the end of practice, and Donghyuck expects to receive a lecture, but it seems neither of them are in the mood for that. Mark only gives him a strange look and shoos them all out. Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun decide to do a vlive outside, since the weather is nice, and Donghyuck gets a very worried glance Jaemin throws his way before they leave. Mark kind of peaces out, and Chenle and Jisung complain the whole way it takes them to get Donghyuck to the dorm in one piece. He almost walks into a lamppost once.

"Take over, please," he faintly registers Jisung's whining in the back of his mind and then big hands grab his shoulders to maneuver him towards the couch.

"Donghyuck-ah!" a loud slap in front of his face and he blinks, focusing on two hands clasped together and then on Johnny's face right behind them. "You with me? What the hell happened, man?"

Donghyuck just stares. Johnny's eyebrows crease in serious concern.

"Jisung and Chenle didn't say what the matter was. You're not hurt anywhere, right?"

"Just my dignity," Donghyuck manages hollowly and Johnny sighs in relief, giving him a lopsided grin.

"So we finally have contact, huh. Don't worry, you don't need dignity around here."

"Hyung," Donghyuck says very slowly. "I can't believe I'm as dumb and oblivious as Mark. It's degrading."

"Mark?" Johnny repeats in confusion. "What did you two do?"

"Why do you assume I did anything with him!" Donghyuck protests.

Johnny's eyes narrow.

"Are you two fighting again?"

"No! Yeah… I don't know!" Donghyuck groans in frustration. "He's not talking to me, but that's not the point."

"Then what is the point here, because I am very confused right now," Johnny sighs like he's already done with Donghyuck's dramatics.

"The point is that I'm as dumb as him!" Donghyuck exclaims. "I just told you that!"

"You didn't tell me why you think you're as dumb as him," Johnny drawls.

Donghyuck opens his mouth to argue more, but stops short because he can't even think of any words to describe what he's feeling right now.

"So you don't deny Mark is dumb," he goes with instead.

"Don't think I won't notice you changing the subject there," Johnny grins sharply. "Tell me what happened."

Donghyuck sighs and hides his face in his hands.

"I think," he starts, muffled. "That I like Mark."

"Well, he's your best friend, right," Johnny says, completely missing the point. Donghyuck is about to clarify when he hears Johnny gasp quietly. "Unless! It's a different like? Oh wow, okay, I get it. And I'm telling you, you're not dumb or oblivious."

Donghyuck looks up at him slowly. Johnny is smiling easily, with reassurance, and Donghyuck calms down a bit.

"I'm not?" he asks hopefully.

"Dude, is this your first crush?" Johnny raises his eyebrows pointedly.

Donghyuck wonders for a moment and nods jerkily. He supposes celebrity crushes don't count. Crush is a stupid word, he thinks, because at this point it's probably a lot more than that, but he doesn't say that out loud, because he did only now realize he has any type of feelings at all.

"You never really know when you're friends with that person," Johnny tells him. "My first girlfriend had been one of my closest friends for a long time before I realized I had feelings for her. It doesn't make you dumb, just inexperienced."

"How many girlfriends have you had?" Donghyuck asks curiously.

Johnny rubs his neck with an awkward laugh.

"Seriously? Man, I don't know, a few. I've never counted."

"You don't remember? Uwah, hyung, you're such a playboy!" Donghyuck teases.

"I can say all of their names!" Johnny defends himself quickly. "And I was a teenager, not a playboy!"

Donghyuck narrows his eyes skeptically.

"Anyway!" Johnny says with emphasis. "We were talking about your feelings for Mark. I'm telling you you're not dumb. Not dumber than Mark, at least."

"Why?" Donghyuck asks immediately. "Did he say something about me?"

"Not really," Johnny shrugs, but he's not looking Donghyuck in the eye. "He's dealing with a lot right now, so I'm not exactly surprised that he's avoiding you. I'm not saying it's cool!" he explains himself as soon as he sees Donghyuck glare at the floor. "He'll talk to you. When he's ready."

"But he's always talked to me about things," Donghyuck hates that it comes out as a whine, he's not a child anymore. "And now he goes to Lucas."

Johnny shrugs again, a bit helplessly.

"That's why I said he's dumb. Don't beat yourself up over it, kiddo. Try to ambush him, if you want to make him talk. Jesus, that sounds awful, don't threaten him, okay?"

"What about torturing?" Donghyuck asks with a grin.

"That's the obvious thing that you shouldn't do," Johnny sighs.

"Torturing doesn't exactly make people want to confide in you."

They both glance to the door and Taeil is standing in the threshold, munching on apples. Donghyuck slumps on the couch, dejected.

"Feelings are stupid," he decides.

Taeil sits next to him and feeds him a piece of his snack, awkward when it comes to comforting as usual.

"A lot of things are stupid," he says. "And we have to deal with them every day."

"Exactly," Johnny nods and stands up, stealing one of Taeil's apple slices. "You're gonna be fine, just don't bottle it up."

Donghyuck guesses that's as good of an advice as he's going to get.

***

Yukhei does come up with a plan to get Donghyuck and Mark to talk, and because Mark is a dumbass, it takes very little effort for it to actually be successful. Donghyuck has been dealing with his newfound feelings for a few days by the time Yukhei bursts into his room without a warning.

"Let's do it," he says with a tone of finality, like they're going off to battlefront. Maybe they kind of are, Donghyuck thinks. "I figured out a way to make Mark tell you everything himself."

It sounds ominous, but Donghyuck is nothing, if not determined, especially since he started doubting he really feels something for Mark at one point and it would be nice to make sure.

They're across the country for an event, all eighteen of them, and Donghyuck ends up in a room with Ten. It would have been awesome, if not for Taeyong just happening to hang around to make disgusting heart eyes at his boyfriend. Donghyuck can't annoy Ten as effectively when he has their resident mother shooting him warning glances.

Yukhei tells Donghyuck to follow him and they end up in an empty room. Donghyuck isn't sure how Yukhei got access to it, but he's not complaining. He's actually a little nervous, if he's honest with himself.

"Wait here," Yukhei tells him with a determined face. "I'll get Mark."

Donghyuck doesn't know what Yukhei means by that and how he's planning to force Mark into talking, but he waits. Yukhei leaves, a few long minutes pass. Then, the door opens, Mark flies inside and it closes right back up behind him. Which is one of the shittiest plans Donghyuck has ever seen put into action, but if it works, it works, right?

"What the hell?!" Mark exclaims, turning back to the door to bang on it with his fists. "Lucas, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Sorry," Yukhei winces from the hallway. "I had no choice."

Mark huffs noisily and finally faces Donghyuck. He looks pissed and uncomfortable, and it's like they magically went back in time to the last summer, like they're fighting again.

"Why am I here?" Mark asks and his voice isn't pleasant.

Donghyuck kind of wants to crawl into the bed standing next to him and never come out, but that's not who he is. So, naturally, he bites back in much the same tone of voice as Mark's.

"Guess."

Mark sighs, rubs the bridge of his nose in exasperation. It irks Donghyuck to the point where he has to clench his hands into fists to hold himself back from snapping at Mark. That's not the point. He doesn't want to fight.

"Are you seriously so childish that you had to threaten Lucas to help you talk to me?" Mark mutters.

He sounds tired and annoyed. Donghyuck is also tired, of this whole bullshit. He really doesn't want to be feeling anything for Mark now, not when he's acting like such a douche.

"I didn't threaten him," Donghyuck grits through his teeth. "It's your own fault for telling Lucas stuff about me, you know he's shit at keeping secrets."

Mark rubs his neck with another long sigh.

"I had to tell someone, Donghyuck, okay? Lucas is my best friend. And it wasn't about you, not really. You're not the center of the universe."

Mark rarely uses his full name instead of one or another nickname. He has never told Donghyuck that he was Mark's best friend, but he showed it all the time. And Donghyuck prided himself on the fact that he could be annoying enough that Mark would talk about him always. From the beginning, music has been the only topic that topped talking about Donghyuck in Mark's head. Donghyuck knows that, because Mark told him once when he was drunk. He seemed fond and annoyed at the same time then.

It all hurts a lot, every word coming from Mark's mouth now. It hurts so much that Donghyuck has to take a deep breath to steady himself. His eyes prickle with oncoming tears, and he decides there is nothing he could really say to that.

"Great," he says anyway, because he won't let Mark have the last word. His voice wavers slightly. "Good to know. I thought we could talk about why you're avoiding me and why Lucas told me to just give you time. But I guess that's pointless. I hope we can still at least work together like usual, because we have a comeback soon. It was fun being your other best friend, even though that wasn't really true, right? Awesome. Bye."

He passes Mark on his way to the door. Mark doesn't move an inch, staring at where Donghyuck just was with wide eyes.

"Wait, that's not what I meant-" he starts when Donghyuck has already knocked on the door.

"You can let us out now, thanks, hyung," Donghyuck cuts him off.

His voice is scratchy. Yukhei opens the door with a worried face, but Donghyuck sends him a small smile and just leaves as quickly as he can.

Taeil opens the door to the room he shares with Taeyong after Donghyuck has already started crying. He looks dazed, Donghyuck probably woke him up. It's pretty late already. Donghyuck notices Johnny on one of the beds with a laptop. Which means they were watching a movie and Taeil fell asleep like he always does. Taeyong's nowhere to be seen, which means he's with Ten. Donghyuck wants to ask, if he can come in, but it's more of a sob than anything else. Taeil's gaze widens with panic, but he doesn't waste time, pulling Donghyuck into the room and into a hug.

Donghyuck is taller than him, but he curls in on himself to fit into Taeil's arms, right out wailing. He knows Johnny gets up from the bed and approaches them, he knows Johnny is asking him what's wrong, but Donghyuck can't answer, not right now. Johnny settles for petting his hair.

Taeil finally coaxes Donghyuck to sit on one of the beds and by now, Donghyuck is sobbing more for show than anything.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Johnny asks softly.

Donghyuck takes a shuddering breath, face still smashed into Taeil's shoulder.

"Mark betrayed me," he announces dramatically.

He knows Johnny barely stops himself from scoffing. Taeil lets out a startled laugh.

"What does that even mean?" he asks incredulously.

Donghyuck pouts, realizes they can't see him doing it, raises his head to pout properly.

"He said Lucas is his best friend," he mumbles begrudgingly. He sounds like a little kid. "He didn't want to tell me what's going on, even though I know it's about me. I really just wanted us to get along again."

Johnny and Taeil exchange looks. Johnny sighs. 

"Hyuck, you know he's just dumb, right?" he says pointedly.

Donghyuck nods, still sulking.

"Of course you're his best friend," Taeil adds, smoothing fingers through Donghyuck fringe. "But maybe there are things he can't tell you right now."

"Also, don't forget he's dumb," Johnny repeats.

Donghyuck nods again. He feels better already. He knows Mark is an idiot. They're still at the teenager stage of dealing with their feelings, mostly. Donghyuck can be and idiot, too, but Mark is a bigger one. Maybe he will get over himself in a few days and apologize.

"Can I stay here?" Donghyuck asks, bringing out his best puppy eyes.

Johnny is weak for him, he's perfectly aware of that, so that's not a problem, especially that it's not even Johnny's room. Donghyuck looks at Taeil expectantly.

Taeil stares at him, deadpan, but then finally sighs.

"Yeah, sure. Who knows, if Taeyong even plans on coming back tonight."

Donghyuck blushes when he lets his mind wander to what Taeyong can be doing with Ten in their room now. He's kind of glad that wasn't his first stop.

Johnny doesn't go back to his own room, either, which Donghyuck is sure Jaehyun appreciates, because he's a light sleeper, and Johnny always makes a ruckus. Donghyuck washes his face and climbs into Taeil's bed to cuddle into his side. Taeil shuffles around a lot, uncomfortable, but Donghyuck waits patiently for him to settle, because it's already a lot that Taeil lets him stay there without a word of complaint. Johnny switches off the light and takes Taeyong's bed.

"Do you even know what that movie was about at all?" he asks in the darkness, voice amused.

"Shut up," Taeil grumbles.

Donghyuck feels warm and coddled. He doesn't need Mark at all.

***

They get their demo soon after getting back to Seoul and they're perfectly civil during recording. Donghyuck decided not to let his pettiness show this time, choosing to be cold and professional, which Mark eagerly picked up on and reciprocates.

Then, they get their choreography and everything goes to shit.

It's fine until their teacher is there with them, but when it's the usual practice until dawn and stressing over fucking up, the professionalism is over.

Donghyuck is sleep deprived and bitter just enough to fall into a giggly phase. He's not the only one, because it's two a.m., and Jaemin has been smothering Jisung in praises and hugs more than usual for the last hour. Renjun is laughing at just about anything Jeno says, which speaks volumes about the state of his sanity. Chenle chases Donghyuck around the practice room with a screech born in hell when Donghyuck pinches his neck. Donghyuck laughs and doesn't watch where he's going, barreling straight into Mark, sending them both to the floor. There is a strange moment, when neither of them moves and they're staring at each other from way too close. Donghyuck remembers himself and scrambles backwards quickly.

He almost apologizes, but then Mark stands up and glares at him.

"We're supposed to be working, can you at least fucking watch where you're going, if you can't act like an adult?" he seethes.

It's kind of like a punch to his gut, even though Donghyuck has never received one like that. The open hostility doesn't hurt more than the resignation Mark treated him with back at the hotel, but it's still painful and unfair, and it still makes Donghyuck's insides boil with anger.

"Oh, I am so fucking sorry, your highness," he spits, getting closer to Mark without meaning to. "You could have payed attention, _like you're supposed to during work_! How dare you patronize me?! We haven't talked like normal people in forever, then you betrayed me, and now you have the nerve to ask me to act like an adult?!" Donghyuck bursts out. He knows Jeno ushers everyone out of the room, but he pays very little mind to it, his chest burning with anger. "How dare you-"

But Mark is suddenly very close, his face opening to something more vulnerable, as he drags Donghyuck in for a tight hug. Donghyuck is so surprised, he almost chokes on his own spit.

"Sorry," Mark murmurs into his hair and his heart is beating as fast as Donghyuck's, Donghyuck can feel it. "I'm sorry, Haechanie."

Mark hasn't called him like that in so long, Donghyuck almost whines.

"I didn't mean to behave like a kid, I just," Mark pauses, sighing quietly. His hand is secure on the back of Donghyuck's neck. "Everything is a bit too much right now. It's not because of you, I mean, not only because of you. To be honest, I'm stressed a lot lately and so many things piled up, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I didn't think you would take that as me betraying you. I'm not really a good leader, huh," Mark chuckles lightly, humorlessly. "I've been keeping a distance from the other guys, too, but it's different with you, so-"

"What the hell," Donghyuck interrupts him, finally snapping out of it. He untangles himself from Mark, even though he really doesn't want to. "What the fuck, Mark Lee."

Mark blinks at him in confusion. Donghyuck is honestly so done.

"It's been two years and you're saying you're not a good leader now? Are you nuts? Why do you think our unit even got anywhere? Because you were there to make us get a fucking grip! Every damn time! And you said Lucas was you best friend! How was I supposed to take it as anything other than you betraying me, if you used to talk to me about everything and suddenly you stopped?!"

Mark rubs his neck awkwardly, avoiding his gaze. He doesn't believe him, Donghyuck realizes. He still thinks he's not good enough and he won't listen to Donghyuck, because it's him, not Yukhei. It all pisses Donghyuck off even more.

"Why didn't you say anything, if you can't deal with it on your own?" he asks very evenly. "Talking to Lucas evidently wasn't enough, so why the hell are you doing this to yourself."

Mark's eyes widen at the sudden serious tone of his voice.

"I-I just-" he obviously doesn't know what to say to that.

"I'll tell you why," Donghyuck narrows his eyes and pokes Mark's chest with a finger. "Because you're an idiot. You did talk to Taeyong-hyung already, though, right?"

Mark nods jerkily, staring at the dirty floor with a resigned expression. Donghyuck exhales slowly, all anger leaving him all of a sudden. Mark raises his head with a small, rueful smile.

"I guess I'm having an existential crisis, too," he mutters.

Donghyuck can't fucking believe this.

"Mark Lee, I'm wondering about my sexuality and struggling with dumb hormones, you clearly have worse problems than that, don't laugh it off like the dumbass that you are."

Mark finally meets his gaze, a short laugh leaving his throat. It doesn't sound sad, so Donghyuck will count it as a win.

"Okay, okay," Mark says. "Thanks."

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow.

"Does this mean we can communicate like normal human beings now?"

Mark grins and ruffles his hair.

"Yeah," he nods, and it seems to be over just like that.

Donghyuck nods with him and then smacks him upside the head. Mark hisses, but when Donghyuck raises his hand again, he giggles stupidly, trying to run away from him.

The rest goes back in, which means they've been eavesdropping the whole time.

"Who's the youngest one again?" Jisung drawls, watching them chase each other around the practice room with a judging face.

Jaemin has that covered, because Jisung is already trying to protect himself from an onslaught of aggressive affection by the time Donghyuck gets to him.

"Are we gonna play tag now instead of practicing?" Chenle asks with a huge smile.

They can't bring themselves to be serious for another hour and then decide to just go to sleep, since practicing is pointless anyway.

It's not until late at night that Donghyuck recalls something that makes him sit up in his bed. Mark's words flash through his mind, alarmingly clear. _It's not only because of you, but with you it's different_. Donghyuck has no idea what the hell that's supposed to even mean. After an hour of tossing and turning, he decides he won't suffer alone, because fuck that. He sneaks out of the room and breaks into Mark's without making a sound. Dongyoung is curled up under the covers and turned to the wall. Donghyuck pauses, struck with the sudden thought of how small his fearless hyung looks like this. Mark's snore snaps him out of it. He approaches Mark's bed slowly and his brain supplies him with Jongdae's voice singing _creeping, creeping, creeping..._. Donghyuck has to stifle his laughter with both hands to keep himself quiet. He shakes Mark's shoulder gently, but Mark just frowns and turns away from him. Donghyuck huffs and pulls on his hand until Mark sits up, swaying and confused, but mostly awake. His eyes snap open when he realizes it's Donghyuck and not some weird dream. Donghyuck gestures to be quiet and follow him out of the room. Mark frowns, but doesn't try to go back to sleep.

"What?" he whispers too loudly once they're in the kitchen. "Did something happen?"

He doesn't seem aware that he's speaking in English, not Korean.

Donghyuck sits by the table, drumming his fingers against the wooden surface.

"What did you mean?" he asks, straight to the point.

Mark blinks at him sleepily. Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

"What did you mean that it's not just because of me, but it's different with me," he clarifies and Mark groans.

"That's what you woke me up for?"

"I can't sleep because of you, so you're not sleeping either," Donghyuck informs him crisply. 

Mark sighs long-sufferingly, but falls into a chair next to him instead of trudging back to his room like Donghyuck half expected him to.

"I told you I haven't been dealing with life well lately, right," he starts, rubbing his neck.

Donghyuck can't figure out if Mark is flustered, or if it's just from exhaustion.

"Right," he says, just to say anything.

"So you're a big part of that," Mark mutters unsurely, glancing at Donghyuck from under his lashes. "That's why I talked to Lucas and not you."

Donghyuck doesn't grimace, as his heart sinks, but it's a close call. He tries to keep his face as neutral as possible, but Mark knows him. Mark has been with him for years. Consistent. Always there.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way!" he clarifies quickly. "Just that I'm really shitty at this whole existential crisis thing and what you're saying or doing isn't really helping-"

"It's not called existential crisis for nothing, Minhyung, you can't be good at it," Donghyuck scoffs, because he has to somehow stop his thoughts from spiraling.

But maybe Mark can, because Mark is for some reason good at everything. It takes Donghyuck too long to notice Mark hasn't said a word. He focuses on the other's face and feels his eyes widen in surprise. Mark is staring at him seemingly completely stunned.

"What, it's true," he defends in confusion.

Mark shakes his head and slowly, a tiny grin forms on his face. It looks fond, which is just weird, considering the situation.

"It's not that," Mark says finally. He looks… shy, Donghyuck judges carefully. "You called me Minhyung."

Donghyuck's cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Okay, now Mark's reaction makes sense. Donghyuck hasn't called him that in a very long time.

"Because it's your fucking name," he tries for deadpan, but his voice wavers just slightly, betraying him.

Mark's grin grows until his whole face is scrunched up dumbly. Donghyuck still thinks it's endearing. He's really whipped, huh.

"That night after we talked about Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin, and about your crisis," Mark says, getting back on track. "I had a dream. About you."

Donghyuck perks up at that. Finally something interesting.

"You stopped talking to me because of a dream?" he asks incredulously.

"No," Mark says, but follows it up with, "Yeah. Maybe."

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. Mark sighs.

"That dream was about the time we were in Japan. We were checking out street vendors. You bought me some dumb little thing, like a bracelet. And then I kissed you."

Silence rings in Donghyuck's ears after the words fade. He's staring at Mark in complete disbelief for a long while, until Mark's cheeks darken and he fidgets on his chair. Donghyuck's heart is pounding.

"You dreamt about kissing me," he confirms absentmindedly.

Mark nods, avoiding his gaze.

"And decided it would be a great idea to base our relationship on that," Donghyuck continues flatly.

"No!" Mark protests, flailing his arms wildly. "It wasn't because of that! I mean, like, partially it was, but that's not the most important here!"

"Then what is?" Donghyuck asks quietly. 

He can't tell, if he's still too shocked to acknowledge his emotions, or if he's just feeling too many of them at once and that's why his heart is still crazy.

Mark looks at him, really looks, his eyes wide and sincere, and so unsure.

"It made me realize some things," he admits truthfully, voice a bit hoarse. "It wasn't because of the kiss, not really, it was about how I felt when I woke up. Like coming back to reality felt wrong in some way, you know? I was so confused, I still am, but being with you there and kissing you felt like it should and I avoided you because I didn't know what to do about that. That's why I went to Lucas, that's why I needed time away from you."

Donghyuck blinks at him once, twice, before the meaning of the words registers in his head. It's a confession. The most awkward, slightly bittersweet, definitely uncertain and full of confused fear confession Donghyuck has ever heard of, but it's all he could count for, considering everything.

"I thought kissing me is weird?" Donghyuck says numbly.

"I thought so, too," Mark rubs his neck again, and this time it's definitely not exhaustion.

His face is beet red.

"And you also told me that not everything is about me," Donghyuck says crisply, even though it feels like he's going to faint a little bit.

"Yeah," Mark stretches awkwardly. "I was being an asshole then, because I couldn't deal."

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows.

"Really," he deadpans, but drops it at Mark's sheepish gaze. "What now."

Mark frowns and then shrugs helplessly.

"I don't know."

It's a strange thought that crosses Donghyuck's mind then. Despite seeing Mark struggling many times in life, he has always looked up to him, always thought Mark was fitted to be a leader, because he knew so much. But he doesn't know everything. He's only a bit older than Donghyuck, he doesn't have nearly enough figured out, he stresses about too much at once, he doubts himself all the time. He's barely an adult and not anywhere near perfect, but that thought, for the first time since Donghyuck had the big revelation, somehow convinces him that his feelings for Mark are real.

And then, Donghyuck's nature kicks in, because his last three brain cells can't handle seriousness for too long and this is already way too much emotional bullshit.

"Wanna try it out in reality?" he asks, wiggling his eyebrows ridiculously.

He expects a punch to the shoulder and hysterical laugh, but all he gets is Mark choking on his spit and getting very, very red.

"Oh damn, Mark Lee, you're serious about it," Donghyuck remarks.

"Shut up," Mark mumbles, rubs his neck again.

"There is more, isn't there," Donghyuck asks carefully.

Mark glances up at him, confused.

"It's not just about me," Donghyuck clarifies. "You're stressed. Did something happen or is it the job?"

They all know Mark is incredibly diligent and being in three units takes a huge toll on him.

"Both, probably," Mark sighs. "I mean, I'm grateful for the job and I wouldn't wanna quit any of the units, but it's tiring, ya know? Just a little bit. And I found out my mom got sick last month. She's okay now, but it was tough for a while. And because of you and this whole kissing deal, I started thinking about myself, and there is barely any time for that, and it's hard to suddenly reevaluate your whole life, when you thought you were, you know, straight for most of it."

"It's good that she's fine now," Donghyuck decides to say, out of the million things he could voice.

"Yeah," Mark mutters, rubs his eyes, and Donghyuck suddenly feels bad for waking him up in the middle of the night, when they got back from practice so late already.

He doesn't say anything else, grabs Mark's hand and hauls him back into Mark and Dongyoung's room. They somehow fit themselves into Mark's bed and Donghyuck pulls Mark closer to cuddle, plays with his hair when Mark stops looking at him with wide eyes and presses his nose into Donghyuck's neck. Mark sighs, a long exhale of breath, full of content this time, not exhaustion, and something clicks into place in Donghyuck's chest.

***

He wakes up to murmured voices and groggily opens his eyes, only to find every single person from the 127 dorm standing over him.

"What the hell," he mumbles drowsily and someone coos.

Donghyuck thinks it's Taeyong. It annoys him immediately.

"I see you made up," Johnny remarks with a shit eating grin.

Donghyuck blinks at him in confusion, glances down at Mark wrapped around him like a koala, still asleep, and realization dawns on him, making him bolt up. He doesn't really care that he jostles Mark, who wakes up with a start, he's too busy hiding his red face from the rest of their damn, nosy group.

"You have half an hour to get ready for practice," Yuta says and Donghyuck can hear him smirking. "We wanted to wake you up earlier, but TY got attacked by soft feelings and wouldn't let us."

"They're so cute, though," Taeyong whines.

"They are," Jaehyun confirms. "And they'll also be late."

"Whazzgoinon," Mark slurs, rubbing his eyes.

"I knew we should have moved to the Dream dorm last week," Donghyuck grumbles, unglues Mark from himself and escapes to the bathroom, accompanied by Yuta, Johnny and Taeil's irritating laugh.

He washes up in record time, running to the kitchen, because food is the most important. It seems Mark managed to wake up already, his eyes wide and slightly manic, as he shovels whatever breakfast Taeyong made them in the absence of their dorm auntie into his mouth. Donghyuck joins him quickly. It's good, it's delicious even, and his mood instantly improves.

"Practice," Mark says when they're done, as if Donghyuck forgot why they were even woken up.

Mark's hair is sticking in every direction and Donghyuck doesn't point it out in hopes Mark will leave the house like this, but of course Taeyong pushes a hat on his head in a truly motherly fashion.

"Brush your teeth before you go," he nags at them and smacks Donghyuck's arm when Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

They do brush their teeth. Taeyong is the most stubborn person on the planet.

Their teacher is annoyed when they're ten minutes late, Donghyuck is annoyed on the principle and Renjun is annoyed, because it's early and because Jaemin keeps waggling his eyebrows in a very irritating manner.

"Something happened, didn't it?" Jaemin asks as soon as they're given the all clear from their teacher to practice alone. "What is it? Did you kiss? Did you at least talk?"

Donghyuck is ready to wave him off, but Mark flushes immediately and Donghyuck's initial irritation gives way to evil interest.

"Well, you know," he starts with a grin and Mark turns to him in panic. "We did talk. It was really… something. We were alone in the kitchen in the middle of the night and Mark-"

Mark clamps a hand over his mouth, laughing nervously.

"Nothing, Mark nothing, we just talked a bit," he exclaims.

Donghyuck isn't surprised that no one falls for that.

"Did you make out or not?" Chenle asks with a sigh, like he's tired by their childish behavior, which is just hilarious, considering he's mentally twelve.

Donghyuck doesn't do anything to help Mark with that, mainly because he's petty and Mark still has a hand over his mouth. Mark looks at him in panic, but Donghyuck just shrugs.

"There was no making out," Mark says finally and lets go of him abruptly.

"Aww," Jaemin expresses his disapproval. "That's boring."

Mark yells at them to get it together, because they're supposed to be practicing, and even Jeno looks at him like he's disappointed but not surprised.

Mark and Donghyuck move to the Dream dorm in the evening. Donghyuck is relieved, but Mark would have probably been better off in the 127 dorm, after all, where he's one of the youngest and if anyone makes fun of him, it's definitely not in the way Dreamies do that. Jaemin and Chenle tease him mercilessly, Renjun and Jisung keep throwing biting comments that are sure to make him uncomfortable, and Donghyuck does nothing to stop it, because he's enjoying it too much. It's no wonder Mark escapes to Jeno's room as soon as he can. Jeno is too nice to harass Mark like the rest.

It's almost eleven when Donghyuck nudges a dozing off Jisung to make him relocate to bed. Chenle has long disappeared to go back to his own house. Renjun and Jaemin locked themselves in the bathroom some time ago and Donghyuck really doesn't want to know. He turns off the gaming console and trudges after Jisung to the hallway. He almost bumps into Jeno.

"They're in the bathroom," he informs Jeno sleepily.

"Thanks," Jeno flashes him a smile. Donghyuck really likes his smiles, even though he would never tell him that. "Mark has been bitching about you for the last hour, so maybe you should talk to him."

"Yeah, I guess," Donghyuck sighs.

He's tired. Mark sits up straight when Donghyuck enters the room, eyes sparkling, face unreadable. Donghyuck sits next to him on the bed without a word and is pleasantly surprised when Mark pulls him closer and starts playing with his hair.

"You're infuriating," he murmurs somewhere close to Donghyuck's ear.

Donghyuck can't help the shiver that runs down his body.

"And you're a loser," he retaliates without any real heat.

Mark doesn't say anything to that, doesn't even whine about Donghyuck disrespecting him yet again. Donghyuck is about to ask, but then he feels Mark's lips on his cheek, just a quick press before it's gone, but it makes Donghyuck turn around in Mark's arms in surprise. Mark isn't looking at him, his ears bright red.

"Well, well, well, Canada," Donghyuck quips, refusing to acknowledge the way his stomach flips.

"Shut up," Mark mutters.

Donghyuck grins, because who knew Mark could be so adorable, and settles face to face with him. Mark presses himself into the wall behind him, the flush spreading to his face.

"I like you, Mark Lee," Donghyuck says, heart racing. Mark's eyes widen even more, if that's possible. "And I know you're figuring things out, so let me help you with that."

He leans in slowly, so that Mark can push him away, if he wanted to, but he doesn't. He waits, frozen, until Donghyuck's face is an inch from his own. Donghyuck realizes Mark is holding his breath and that almost makes him chuckle, but then he finally presses their lips together. Mark is still frozen. Donghyuck closes his eyes for just a second or two before pulling away. And then Mark's hands are on his face, trembling and a bit sweaty, and it's Mark who get close now, who slides their mouths together. Donghyuck smiles into the kiss, his stomach going wild. It feels nice and he doesn't want to stop, even when Mark presses on his shoulders slightly.

"So I'm your first proper kiss," Donghyuck grins and Mark pushes him off the bed.

Donghyuck whines and huffs, but Mark's face is almost the same as that first evening when it was all an accident, so Donghyuck keeps up the pretense for only so long, before he bursts out laughing. Mark tries to act indignant, but he still flushes, and he still pulls Donghyuck closer when Donghyuck climbs back on the bed.

There is knocking on the door half an hour later and Donghyuck straightens, dizzy and panting, making himself break apart from Mark's mouth.

"Uh, guys?" it's Jeno. "I know you're probably being gross in there and uh, congrats, I guess, but I'd really like to sleep in my own bed tonight."

"Sure," Mark says, voice hoarse. "But you're doing it at your own risk."

Donghyuck lets out a surprised giggle. They hear Jeno sigh and grumble something under his breath, but the door doesn't open. Donghyuck looks back at Mark, who looks wrecked and really cute, and also breathless.

"I think I might like you, too, Lee Donghyuck," he murmurs absently, like he can't quite believe it.

"Well, you'd better," Donghyuck huffs. "I'm a fucking delight."

Mark huffs a laugh and pulls him back in.

***

"I'm ready for part two!" Donghyuck announces, banging the door to Ten's room open with a flourish.

He's experienced now, so witnessing Taeyong yelp and pull away from Ten doesn't faze him at all.

"Come on, hyung, you promised to tell me stuff after I kissed properly," Donghyuck complains, sitting on Ten's bed and looking at him expectantly.

"Oh! You made out with Mark?" Ten asks and he almost sounds proud, which is a first for him when it comes to Donghyuck. "Nice! Up top!"

Donghyuck happily grants him a high five.

"Ten!" Taeyong admonishes from the other edge of the bed, flushed and with his shirt and hair completely messed up.

Ten ignores him.

"Okay, okay, since you're not a baby now," he says, trying for a solemn tone of voice and Donghyuck prepares himself for some useful tips. "I'm sure you've heard about sex before-"

"TEN!"

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments appreciated!  
> (seriously guys, please give me love for writing something that isn't porn for once)


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